But now instead of celebrations, we place a garland around her photograph.
I saw the calendar close to midnight, and saw the date was 18th July - more than anything else it was Timmi's birthday - Timmi, my only sister with whom I have grown up with.
Normally I remember her birthday every year - but this time it had slipped out from my mind ... which was just an excuse.
After Baba had left us, ( Timmi left us earlier than Baba) Ma did not do much of Timmi's "birthday celebrations". After all, there was nothing left for her to celebrate - she was looking into her future through our eyes - I think specially Sonamoni's. This time Ma had thought of putting a garland to Timmi, and she said to bring me one on 19th July. At that time I told Ma, "Timmi'r jonmodin to kaalke hoye geche" ; to which Ma replied "Aajke sotero july na, ami to kobe theke bhevechi Timmi ke ekta mala debo".
In my childhood days I remeber Ma and Timmi used to quarrel over things - both trying to confide in their own circle. Ma still does scold me , I reply back also -- but I know she loves me from the bottom of her heart.
The day Timmi passed away, 6th March 2008, Ma did not cry .. maybe she cried but it was not that open ... maybe it was profound grief and sorrow that overtook Ma and all of us in Dum Dum. I saw Ma crying alone one day in Baba's room - she was crying profusely in front of Timmi's photograph. When I saw her, she told me to leave her alone.
I cried a lot - I used to cry every day, Timmi was and still an inseparable part of me. During that time I was working on my first job, and every day I would board the return bus, it struck me, on reaching home I would NEVER see Timmi again.
Maybe I have become self centered with my family, that I don't even remember my only sister's birthday.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
. . . . .
Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure.
And I know there'll be no more...
Tears in heaven
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven
Will it be the same
If I saw you in heaven
I must be strong, and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
Eric Clapton - Tears in Heaven
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